Thursday, November 17, 2005

Say it Now, Believe it Later

It’s amazing how quickly one can go from feeling on top of the world to feeling like someone actually laid the gutter pipe on top of you in the ground. One minute everything is going smoothly. The children are happy, the home is tidy and pleasing to the eye. Bad habits are being held at bay. Relationships are at an all time high. Communications are caught up with. And for a moment I start to feel like I might not ever want to die because I might have to come “down” to experience Heaven. (For those of you who take me seriously- that last comment was not serious) Then, almost as fast as I can blink things are at the opposite end of the spectrum. The house is a wreck. The dishes are dirty. I have not the slightest idea for dinner. The kids are disobedient, restless, mischevious, and dirty. The husband is busy. I’ve finished several days in a row of unexpected events, unusual commitments, emotional efforts, and hidden insults. I’m tired, I’m stressed, I’m having problems with my skin disease (which no one knows how to cure or even quite what it is but everyone has ideas on how to cover up the symptoms- none of which have worked) and I suddenly find myself contemplating how in the world I can get myself out of this mess! I mean, not just get back to normal, but drop the whole GREAT MOM thing and pick up the next train bound for Siberia and bury myself in a cave with nothing but a pile of good books, an unlimited supply of good coffee and a cozy pair of socks. I might add a pillow.

Sometimes these feelings come because I’ve changed my priorities and they are now out of balance. Sometimes this happens when the kids have just been cooped up inside too long because of bad weather. Occasionally we have the unexpected bout with an inoperable household appliance and that can throw everything off. Then, there is also the spiritual angle: The “I testified of God’s power in my life” and now it’s “Day after Testimony” time to live it out in a difficult circumstance. Today has all of the above!

The truth is…the break from it all, the emotional break down, and the irritability and anger usually don’t help. Sometimes it gets me a little help from someone else and sometimes it releases some pressure from inside like a kettle boiling and whistling out its tune of steam. Most of the time though, it just results in hurting some feelings of others, making my kids more unhappy, and leaving me less time to get back to where I need to be.

Just now I’m desperately trying to remember what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me recently about these times: They don’t last for long. Ask for help from Jesus and then DO something- even a little something to move it in the right direction.

So the children are about to get up from the naps they haven’t yet taken, it’s almost time for Brandon to eat, and I’m tired from the nap I tried to take but was unsuccessful, yet GOD IS FAITHFUL! And I can start with something- maybe 5 minutes to clean up in the living room…


Jane T. said...

WOW!! You must have been using both hands to type! :)

kate said...

I love you Mary!

lis said...

Amen, sis! Love from me, too!

Jill said...

Dear Mary! My heart goes out to you, having just had a similar week myself. I start each day with the best of intentions of being a patient, loving mother with a tidy house and caught-up to-do list, but then the kids break out in fights and the once-clean bedrooms are wrecks and the laundry piles up and my blood sugar spirals downward and before I know it I'm hollering at the kids and wanting to be ANYWHERE BUT HOME! Can I hitch a ride with you to Siberia?

But I totally agree with you that there is help in the Holy Spirit for us beleaguered, weary moms. I agree that misplaced priorities are a huge factor in sending things out of control. I know I need to spend more time in devotions, as well as recognize that this season of life holds a lot that is just plain hard and unrewarding and grueling and monotonous, but I'm doing what God gave me to do and this is all part of the purifying process to make me like Him. It's just painful to see so many impurities rising to the surface!