Thursday, April 12, 2007

Breakfast in the Bathroom

I’ve heard it said: You can do anything if you want to bad enough.

Today I disagree.

I REALLY wanted to eat my breakfast. I would have been happy to eat it with only a couple of interruptions, requests for more cereal, or other needs. That was not to be. For any of you out there who think a breakfast of cereal and milk is easy, I’m decidedly against the belief and despite trying to convince myself that it is, I remain in a state of prejudice against the flaky meal.

You see, Jonathon really wanted cereal this morning and despite my better judgement ( I was going to make eggs and muffins) I said ok. Usually I say ok to this request because A) He can get it all out by himself. B) I’m usually running late for breakfast if he has time to request something and C) I try to tell myself that a quick meal will help the rest of the day go better.

So I said ok. Out came the 10 boxes of cereal- I’m all about variety. Out came the milk. And then an argument began between James and Jonathon over who was going to get out the bowls and set them around the table. I told James he could since he had begun the task and Jonathon had taken care of the cereal and milk and then Jonathon was unhappy. I put Joseph in his bouncy seat, which has an automatic vibrator and music, and thus keeps him quiet for a short while. (It’s no wonder my children feel the need to have noise and motion ever waking moment. I train them into it from birth!) We then commenced breakfast:

Pour 4 bowls of cereal.
Pour 4 bows of milk.
Pour 4 glasses of water.
Notice the husband is sitting at the table with no water and pour the husband a glass of water.
Pour my own bowl of cereal. Exactly ¾ cup of granola and a half a cup of milk because I am trying to eat responsibly and loose some weight.
Notice that the bananas are still sitting in the middle of the table untouched and offer them to everyone.
No one answers with a desire to eat bananas. This is not ok. We must consume them, after all we paid REAL money for these things, they are good for us and I refuse to just have cardboard for breakfast.
Ask each child if they want a banana. I get two takers- Jeff and Rachel and I give myself one because, I never eat enough fruit and so I should.
Jeff and Rachel can’t peel it on their own though, so I start it for them, then Jeff cries that I messed with his.
Rachel peels hers and sets it to the side of her bowl and drinks all the milk out of her Fruity Cheerios and requests more milk.
I pour her some more milk.
I sit down and eat a bite of cereal.
Jonathon needs more cereal. He had Kix and now that he’s eaten that, he wants a bowl of granola.
Pour said bowl of granola.
Sit down to eat another bite of cereal.
Rachel says she has “stinky diaper”.
She is wearing underwear- because the die hard potty training parents just won’t give up.
I take her to the bathroom to sit on the little potty as there is currently nothing in her pants. Perhaps this is a break through.
Two seconds later she declares herself all done.
Well potty training during my breakfast of soggy granola isn’t my idea of a great goal so, “Ok, all done.” Put her clothes back on. Back to the table.
She wants more milk in her Fruity cheerios again. More milk given.
Sit down to eat a bite. One bite eaten.
Rachel says she needs to go potty.
Well it did smell like she was close, so I take her again. On the way by the table I bumped Jeff’s glass and spilled his water all over him and the floor.
Humbly ask husband to please clean it up while I deal with Rachel in the bathroom.
Jeff is sad. He always knocks his water over and this time it dumped without his help and he’s afraid he’s going to get in trouble anyway. Comfort Jeff.
For some reason this time Rachel needs her panties, skirt, socks, and sandals all removed to sit down on the potty chair. She tries to convince me that her bib must come off as well. I draw the line.
She sits, I walk out to take another quick bite of cereal. Husband cleaned up the puddles, but left Jeff in his wet clothes to finish breakfast. Jeff does not like this.
I gulp down my entire banana in 5 seconds.
Rachel comes out with a new pair of “pretty panties” to wear and I indulge her because I am currently sitting in my seat and I don’t want to get up. She put nothing in the toilet.
Put pants on child and send her back to eat her food. She needs more milk. I don’t care, I just give it to her.
Jeff needs more cereal. Done.
Jeff needs to go to the potty.
Take Jeff to the potty. He doesn’t want to wet because his shirt sleeve is wet.
Move the offending shirt sleeve up his arm and command him to pee in the toilet.
Put wet clothes back on boy and return him to table.
(a bit graphic) Jonathon says he thought he had to do a stinky but wanted to wait, so he said he tried to keep it up there, but it wouldn’t stay and just came out on his pants anyway.
Tell Jonathon to go to the bathroom.
Joseph is not happy with the bouncy vibrating chair any longer and is declaring his undesireable situation LOUDLY to the rest of us.
Ask husband to PLEASE take him to bed, and oh, by the way, he has a stinky diaper and the sheet in his cradle needs to be changed because it is wet.
Husband takes the baby up to change diaper and put to bed.
Jonathon goes to the bathroom.
James needs more cereal.
Jonathon hollers that his underwear is in fact, dirty.
Mama hollers at husband to throw down Jezebel- I mean – some clean underwear.
Take clean underwear to Jonathon.
Come back to the table to inhale as much cereal as possible before the next request comes.
Jeff says he’s all done.
Throw away ¼ cup of cereal he did not eat. He gets down.
Jonathon gets finished in the bathroom and goes and plays.
Remove his dish from the table.
Rachel sees that people are done and wants to join. She gets down. I throw her banana with one bite gone and the bowl of Fruity Cheerios- with no milk- in the garbage.
James gets down.
I eat the last of my granola.
Rachel wets on the living room carpet and says “Oh dear.”
I run for the computer because if I don’t write down the insanity, I might just loose my mind!

Somehow I haven’t been able to loose weight.

And just in case you think this is a crazy way to eat breakfast, I’ll point out that noone dumped their cereal out this morning. This is how it is most of the time here. I should have made eggs and muffins. I like them better, I don’t have to do refills, and you can’t make as big of a mess with them.

Hope you have a great Thursday.

OH…and we’re having a snow storm today. In the middle of April. And James is going to the dentist today to have his OTHER front tooth removed- probably. The one that Jonathon smacked with a snow shovel. James is following in Uncle Roy’s footsteps of being toothless for as long as he can.


CoolBeans said...

WOW! I can't wait till pruduct #6!

(Hehehe *evil smile*)

Smiles said...

And yet, you still got to eat your breakfast! There's still hope! ;o)

lis said...

Okay, I don't think I need to complain for a while! :O)

Jill said...

I love reading your posts, Mary! It's so comforting to know that there are other moms out there experiencing the same insanity that I do raising a houseful of young children! Writing about it is cathartic, isn't it? Bless your heart, potty training two toddlers and caring for a newborn. There's a recipe for insanity if I ever heard one!

ahappywife said...

All my love and honor to you dear Sister.

asaphat said...

That was HILARIOUS!!! Sorry that all I did pretty much was laugh instead of sympathize...but my turn will come and when it does, you have my full permission to laugh at me.