Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Confessions of the Inept

I'm now convinced that this whole concept of machines against women really is true. I think they really do have something against the female race. Perhaps you've never heard of this idea- as my husband just confessed. Well, I bet you have, you just never gave it a name. I'll give you several examples to help you out.

Example 1: Wife comes in from the garage to the husband sitting on the couch reading a magazine.
Wife: Honey, I just tried to get the garage door to go down, but something is wrong with the switch. I pushed the button, but nothing happens.
Husband: Uhhh...ok, I'll take a look.

This is the point where we see the machines take action, for at this time the husband goes out to the garage and looks at the garage door, then the button. Then the husband pushes the button and......down goes the door- easy as pie.

Husband: Hmmm....looks fine to me.
Wife: (Stunned) What!? How'd that happen. I tell you it wouldn't work!

There you go- a perfet example of machines (and maybe men too) against us ladies!

Now I'll share two first hand experiences with this.

First, most recently, it was just yesterday that I mentioned that my camera was on the blink. Well, the main problem was that I couldn't get it to come on. For all you critics out there, I did check the battery, the cords, and all that stuff, but when I flipped the switch- NOTHING. Nothing happened. I tried for a good 15 minutes to get the thing to work and IT WOULDN'T! So, I told Brandon that it had a problem. He said he'd look at it. What did he do? He went up there, turned it on, downloaded the pictures, and that was that. Just as nice as you please, that camera did exactly what it was supposed to do, no glitches! So what I want to know is what's a camera got against me. I've never cursed at it, thrown it to the ground, told it I was finding a replacement, or anything!

Maybe some of you at this point are thinking, "Well, it's obvious that there really wasn't a problem, like when I had a computer problem one time and I asked my brother-in-law what the problem was, he said it was a PEBKAC problem. For those of you who don't know about this difficulty it's short for Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair. That was not funny at the time!

So the other story that I have as evidence of machines against women is to prove that there really are problems and it's not just us women making things up. This happened years ago, but you can ask others in my family for varification, this really did take place.

I once owned a '85 Ford LTD. It was my father's until it was on its last leg and then he gave it to me. Well, one day while I was driving the car I notice that it looked like the steering wheel was smoking. I'd never heard of this happening before, but smoking it was and I was certain of it. When I got home, I mentioned this to my Dad and he said he'd take a look at it. So out he goes for a little drive and when he comes back he reports- no smoking. Several times while I owned this car, it would do this and sometimes I would take it to my Dad right away so he could see it in action. Always, however, it would be just fine while he was in it. No smoking.

Well, the time came when I wanted to get rid of this car and get a different one, so Dad paid me for it (wasn't that nice since he gave it to me?) and then he gave it to Frank for his first vehicle. Frank had not had the car very long when one day he had to move it from the grass to the driveway and then went inside for a couple of hours. While he was inside, he heard the horn start honking by itself. When he examined the car further, he was surprised to see that it was on fire inside....coming from the driver's seat area. The short story is that the fire dept had to come put it out and that the car was basically an empty can when they were finished. Burned right out. Where did the fire originate??? Any guesses??? Yep! The steering wheel column, where there was a short in one of the wires. I'm glad I got rid of it!

So there are a few examples of machines against women. I could tell you more, this war is fought often in my life and in the lives of my close female family members, but this will give you something to chew on. By the way, if any of you guys out there have some sway over the machines, tell them we don't mean any harm.


DJ said...

I agree with you. I don't know why this is, but technology seems very anti-female friendly, for the most part. I suspect it is part of the curse. I guess all you can do is pray and keep a man handy...

TripleNine said...

I'd be a little skeptical, except I saw this in action a few months ago. Penny brown was trying to start a car as derrick and I were walking by. She said that she had been trying for the last ten minutes and nothing was happening. Derrick gave it a try and it started on the very first go. Very interesting.